He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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