guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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