does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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