i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
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