How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
