It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
