I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's shark week go big or go home
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize