Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She even gives head with a lisp.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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