Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
