So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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