Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
