plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
