so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
