she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
