A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
