the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize