She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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