I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
