The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
