Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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