i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
