My nipple is on Facebook.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
