Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
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