if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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