And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
