420 ftw
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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