Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
