Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
