remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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