but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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