I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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