im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
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