You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
