My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
