she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Of course I have a pirate flag
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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