it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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