I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
