And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
