Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
