Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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