and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
