we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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