you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Let's get the cat blown out
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
