its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it glows. i had to have it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
