Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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