It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
