I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
