Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He passed out mid-signature
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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