Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
