That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
