I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
my poor anus
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
