I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My vagina just recognized that song.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
