I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
