Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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