with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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