the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
