i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
