Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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