he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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