For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
