After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
did you just send me my own nude
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
