i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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