he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
