I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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