cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
