My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
