I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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