Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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