It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
