If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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