Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
