I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
