I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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