I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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