I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
