My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
