Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
