is wine microwaveable?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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