Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
