If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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