You were right. It hurts to walk today.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
