I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He did a backflip because drugs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
