Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
