Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
