Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
All the doctor said was why
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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