Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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