1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
