I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
