his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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