actually, I'm a sock model
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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