Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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