i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
